Let God heal my heart.

April’s been a challenge. I am going through a lot lately. I feel trapped, unloved, taken for granted and unappreciated. Our one and a half year has ended exactly one month after our Cebu trip. We’re actually having lots of issue the past few months and we thought that going to Cebu could at least help us save the relationship, but yeah, as they say, “all good things must come to an end”.

That phrase sucks, don’t you think? Hahaha! I mean, why do bad things happen to good people. Fine, I’m that good, but I am not that bad either!  Please blame me not, I am in the phase where my thoughts are incoherent and my reasoning isn’t logical, I’d say.  I  find myself crying/sobbing at night or while travelling to and from the office. It was heavy, chest heaving and glassy foggy cry.  I had a week where I act like a zombie.

I am still lucky though that I have a sister who understands me, and some friends who I can talk to and encourage me that life must go on, that I can make it, that I am young and pretty and bright. But those words aren’t   matching on what I thought of myself – I care and love too much. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t perfect. People seem to get tired of me – coz I am boring. I was thinking, maybe because I am getting fat, or perhaps I am not pretty, I might be too   giving that I forgot to leave something for myself. I don’t know. This isn’t me.

I know this is the best time to fill the void in me. I have more time for myself.

This is another kind of heart break.  :( I don’t know. Life’s being too hard for me. I am tired. I need to rest, but I am not gonna quit.

Ash B. ❤