Unanswered. Pending.

I promised myself not to scribble anything about us, the absence of us, the what could have been us, and the “current state of us – because my world’s kinda chaotic right now and I am trying to fathom the whole thing.

I guess our story is uncontrollably laden with frenzied extremes; rife with tough relationship algorithms; fueled with the overwhelming sequence of holding on and letting go- that keeping it all inside will make me a captive in the fortress called “Us But Not Quite”.

So I've decided to bring it to light to clear the cobwebs in my heart and free my soul from the heartbreaking state that we both created.

Where should I start? Where should I begin? Should I start on the day you told me you liked me? That it’s good to see the front row peeks of me every morning?

We met at the crucial time when we’re both healing – we found solace in each other’s arms.

We always have the hellos and good mornings and a lot of goodnight texts/chats. We were inseparable. You saw a woman with a fiery spirit, you saw the child within me, you saw how stubborn I can be. You appreciate everything about me. You remember what I wore to work that day, describing me as if I were one of the pretty girls in the building. My heart skipped a beat because of you.t.

You wanted to know me more. You persevered and called me uncompromisingly.  I am amused with your flair of proper grammar and interest about a lot of things. You taught me almost everything – darts, basketball, swimming, insurance, abacus, and even assisted me in my teaching demonstrations, among other things. You're my go-to guy.

We talked about love, misadventures, and its quirks like love-sick teenagers. We talked about our daily struggles and joys. We traded Bible verses and devotions, videos, quotes, songs, and pictures of our mundane or bizarre lives. You even sent me a short poem one morning, and loads of sweet messages.

And, despite your machismo, chagrin, and self-preservation, you sent me gratuitous "selfie shots" just to make me laugh. We got a lot more than we bargained for. We could tell that something special was developing between us. We also have more in common than we realized. We bared our souls to each other without fear of being judged. We also noticed that a spark was slowly igniting.

You said you found comfort in me, which scares you because you don't want to rely on me. You were terrified, as am I. You admitted to enjoying the warm, fuzzy feeling of falling in love with the unknown. You imagined soft sunlight, new beginnings, morning cuddles, and waking up beside me. While I was sitting at the counter in your adorable kitchen, we talked about anything and everything. I enjoy the comfort of that old familiar sensation of falling in love.

But those happy times were fleeting - everything changed in less than a year. And eventually I noticed you drawing yourself away from me, as if I didn't exist. Yet you're sometimes here to throw curveballs and mixed signals. And here I am, still crazy at how you gave me just enough to keep me on my toes but not enough to keep me standing. I'll never understand what went wrong, why you can't cross the fence anymore. I wasn't sure if you lost interest or found someone new. But we should still need a closure, a farewell, an explanation no matter how pathetic that may be, so I can let you go.

Single but not alone (A birthday Post)

When a woman reaches the age of 30, uncommitted with no eligible prospect in sight, suddenly people gets "interested" in her - not in a good way – but either be the ‘topic’ at the office or at any family gatherings or she will become an exhibit or an experiment. They couldn’t wait to give their unsolicited advice topped with all types of formulas, theories, and a ten-point how-to-tips in order that they may finally be able to get her hitched. 

Welcome to my world!

Yes, being single in your 30ish isn’t easy. Lotsa people will ask and will continue asking when are you gonna marry. It’s as if you can just marry anyone. My not so favorite moment is when people would ask me (as if they haven’t asked me before), “Why are you still single?”. I could come up with several answers depending on who is asking the question. But my honest-to-goodness response would only be, “I don’t know.” I mean seriously, I just really don’t know! Well, I did not plan any of these – certainly not!  In fact, I planned to get married at the age of 28 to 30, have 2 little ones and retire at the age of  60! I’ve been into relationship and I guess I tried so hard, but it just didn’t happen the way I wanted it to. So, what I have right now and where I am right now is NOT part of my plan.

Everybody loves to talk about relationships and there’s nothing wrong about it. But if you’re putting too much pressure on someone because of their relationship status, you’re making them feel miserable, you make them feel sorry for themselves for not having someone. 

I admit, being single can suck – big time! It can get lonely. It can make us feel undesirable or unloved and we all want to be wanted because it’s the feeling we all want to have. Having someone simply makes us feel good - it makes us feel wanted. But let me tell you, it’s a temporary fix to our loneliness.

Let me just remind you that just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re not wanted. You’re wanted by our first love – the King of kings! And there’s nothing greater than that.

Nowadays, we’ve made a humdrum of wasting our singleness by wishing it doesn’t exist. We’ve used up too much time praying for a future spouse and not enough time praying for the Lord to fully satisfy us in who He is. We’ve spent too much time wasting our breath saying “I need  someone to love” and not enough time saying “Lord, help me to love You more.” 

When we start to treat our singleness as a gift rather than a curse, then we’ll begin to appreciate it as a gift. We’ll begin to acquire things about ourselves that we didn’t even know we needed to learn. We’ll begin to love the Lord in radical ways that we didn’t even realize we could love Him in. We’ll begin to receive love from Him and from others that we didn’t even know we needed to accept love in.

Every day I have to surrender my worldly desires, my dreams, my expectations, my needs, my wants and focus on what I have at the moment. Every day is a gift and there are just so many things I could be joyful about. I pray to God to open my eyes in order to see those gifts. Indeed, there’s a lot!

  

But at the end of the day, nothing could ever yet compare to being in His presence, knowing that I need not be afraid of what tomorrow would bring because He loves me. He knows everything about me. He created me so He knows exactly what I need and when I need them. I simply have to trust Him.

And if that special guy comes along, at least he would find me in my most complete state – not desperate or broken – but full of life and filled with love!

To all the ladies who are in the same boat with me, let me raise your spirits. There are so many beautiful things to be glad about in this season. Ask God to open your eyes to see His beautiful gifts just for you. Life should not start only when you find your lifetime partner. Life should begin right now – exactly where you are. Do not allow waiting to kill you like a wilting flower. Shine and bloom where God has planted you. Be the best person that you can be and allow the glory of God to shine upon you and within you.

Do not allow yourself to be carried away by your emotions and settle for whoever is within your arms reach. But rather let the wisdom and spirit of God carry you through the man, God has been raising up to be your husband. Who knows, he just might turn up one day and sweep you off your feet! Oh, that would be absolutely amazing! 

In this season of singleness, God wants us to learn the depth of intimacy with Him. This is the season I’ve found myself in; the Lord has been radically filling me with all of who He is because I’m at a point in my life where I fully desire nothing and no one but Him. I find myself so often on my face begging for more of Him. It’s beautiful. It’s life-changing. It’s a season I’ll never forget. Just Him and I. Me and Him. Nothing else. No one else.

  

God bless your hearts!

xxAshxx

Strengths Finder 2.0

Bobby bought another gift for me - a book! I have been wanting to take the assessment but I  don't have the code yet. He took the assessment few months back and i have just finished mine today. By the way the access code is valid for one time use only.

I encourage you to read this book and take the assessment. Like most people, I tend to focus on my weaknesses instead of investing more time in the areas where I have more potential for greatness.

When you take the assessment you have just 20 seconds to respond to each item. You will get your own top 5 themes with a personalized strength insights which describe what makes you stand out from others with the same theme in their top five.

Your Signature Themes report presents your five most dominant themes of talent, in the rank order revealed by your responses to StrengthsFinder. Of the 34 themes measured, these are my "top five." (This is a shared theme description, though.) 

1. Empathy - People who are especially talented in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others’ lives or others’ situation

2. Intellection - People who are especially talented in the Intellection theme are characterized by their intellectual activity. They are introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions.

3. Input - People  who are especially talented in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.

4. Maximizer - People who are especially talented in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence. They seek to transform something strong into something superb.

5.Responsibility - People who are especially talented in the Responsibility theme take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.

You'll learn more about yourself + it will give you better understanding about your unique self.

You CANNOT be anything you want to be -- but you CAN be a lot more of who you already are. 

posted from Bloggeroid

A Review: Din Tai Fung Rockwell

Bob picked me up at the office for dinner last Friday. It had been raining heavily for a few days and we were both craving soup, but then we saw a Xiao Long Bao bar and our plans changed!

Because it was Friday and dinnertime, the tables were quickly filling up. Despite the fact that the line was long, it was efficiently managed. We were able to get our seats a few minutes after receiving our numbers. Because we pre-ordered, our food was served in less than 10 minutes after we took our seats.

Food ☆☆☆☆ The food pleased my palate especially the Golden Lava Salted Egg Yolk Bun, Shrimp and Pork Wontons with House Special Spicy Sauce and the Din Tai Fung House Special. Of course I also love the  Xiao Long Bao (Crab Roe and Pork) but it is too small and can be compared to another Xiao long bao from another restaurant.

Price vs. Serving size ☆☆ kinda expensive for me. 

Location and ambiance ☆☆☆☆☆ well-lit and spacious. Chic and modern. 

Staff and Service  ☆☆☆☆☆ Service was prompt and food were served hot.

Din Tai Fung House Special

Shrimp and Pork Wontons with House Special Spicy Sauce

Crab Roe and Pork XiaoLongBao

Dan Dan Noodles with Spicy Sesame and Peanut Sauce

Golden Lava Salted Egg Yolk Bun - super yummy!

Mango Sago with Pomelo

This isn’t a sponsored post. All things written here are based on my 100% experience and personal views. 

Ash ❤❤❤

Filling Station Bar & Café: A Review

This diner, known as Makati's Riverdale, is the place to go if you want to experience the life in 1950s and 1970s. I'd say that the interior design and music have truly delighted and impressed me. I am an old soul, so I appreciate things like this - classic songs/music, cool memorabilia, waitresses dressed like those in old diners in the United States, I love everything vintage!

Location – Located in Makati's red light district. We walked from our office to this restaurant. If you plan on driving, please keep in mind that parking is limited; better take a cab or walk if you live nearby.

Ambiance/Vibe – The interior is visually amazing. The space is enormous, but by 8 p.m., it is nearly full! Instagram-worthy!

Service/Staff – very friendly and attentive. special thanks to Nathan for assisting us, taking photos, and always keeping an eye on us.

Food – Good, but nothing out of the ordinary. It's basically the same food you can get at any other restaurant in the metro.

Pork Adobo Flakes Rice

Garlic Shrimp Diablo

Lechon kawali

Mango Freeze

Price – For me it’s really pricey – as mentioned there’s nothing special about the food. I checked the nearby tables, and the majority of them had milk shakes and nachos only. 

Garlic Shrimp Diablo (I guess we only have 6pcs of shrimps) – Php 383.00

Chicken Soup (just a cup, {not bowl}  of soup, not even good for sharing hehehe) – Php 128.00

Rice (Pork Adobo Flakes) – Php 293.00

Lechon Kawali (look the pic how small the serving is) – Php303.00

Mango Freeze – Php135.00 *this is a must-try

The overall experience has been fantastic. If you're looking for a great place to relax (or perhaps travel back in time), I highly recommend Filling Station. However, if you're like me and want great food that's worth every penny, this isn't the place for you. *peace!

This isn’t a sponsored post. All things written here are based on my 100% experience and personal views. Rates mentioned are subject to change. 

Trip Advisor Review

Ash ❤❤❤

Spicy Coco Pollo

Hi guys! I haven't posted any recipes here in years. I made spicy coco pollo tonight. This is not my original recipe; I believe it was featured in YummyPh in 2007, if I'm not mistaken.

So I'm gonna share my very own version of this dish.

This is the most decent photo I got. 😂

✔Olive Oil or butter

✔chicken breast fillet, sliced into strips

✔garlic, chopped

✔onions, chopped

✔ Thyme

✔ Cayenne

✔1/4 cup chicken stock

✔1 cup coconut milk (You can add some cream too)

✔ tablespoon bagoong alamang

✔2-3 pcs of chili finger, julienned

✔kangkong leaves

✔1 can whole mushroom, chopped

✔and some toasted chopped garlic (optional)

✔ salt and pepper to taste

Almost done! Yummy 😊

1.     In a pan, saute the chicken strips in oil with garlic and onion and thyme. Then add the mushroom.

2.     Add the chicken stock, coconut milk, bagoong, chili finger, and kangkong leaves.

3.     Simmer until all the ingredients are cooked and the sauce is reduced to a thick consistency.

4.     Top with toasted garlic.

As seen in my IG. 

He loves gata, so I'm confident he'll enjoy this dish.

I used gata powder dissolved in 60ml hot water, by the way. This is my first time making this dish, and I'd say it's delicious.

Ash ❤❤❤

posted from Bloggeroid

"SHE" got married.

Sherlyn & Dexter's 1st Dance as husband and wife. 

There's something to be said for the every day sort of friend, the one you see so often, the one you do everything with, can't go a week without talking to.

But more and more I realize how much there is to love about the other kind of friend, the one you see only every so often--once a year, maybe, or once every few.

Sherlyn was one of my first few college friends. Bubbly and nice, hysterically laughs, undeniably charming, carefree, talented, smart, noisy, and fun. (Laban, laban o bawi bawi) School is fun because she and her crazy friends are there.

Happy and blessed. 

She finally got married last March 16. I know she's been waiting for this moment and I am just so glad that Dexter kept his promise.

Photo: Sherlyn's Facebook

Grabbed from Facebook

She looks stunning in her wedding gown. Her eyes are twinkling with love. I know she's happy and thankful.

It was a magical moment for her, and it was an honor to be a part of such a joyous occasion.

I've also met a few more friends with whom I shared my life in college.

College Buddies.

Despite the fact that I haven't seen them in ages, our love and friendship remains the same. Our laughter is as genuine as we remember.

Oh, and I finally met this lovely lady at the wedding. She is the bride's eldest sister. Isn't she lovely?

Fireworks capped the night. It was a very successful event. Nice weather. Good food. Pretty faces. Warm hearts.

My take away: Friendship is such a blessing from God .

Ash ❤❤

posted from Bloggeroid

Midnight Musing: I am not giving up

Some days you just want to tweet nonsense, and it's strangely comforting how typing to yourself works. I know it sounds crazy, but it's actually quite helpful.

There are some days in your life when you feel empty - some days are more lonely than others. Tonight is probably one of the most lonely nights of my life - lying alone, contemplating my future.

I've been dealing with an emotional crisis for a few months now. I'm trying really hard not to give up. Despite the pain, frustration, and loneliness, I am clinging to my weapon - faith. I know God is always with me. And He is the reason I am still holding on.

**I want to inspire people but in times like this, please understand that this is also my outlet.

Ash B. ❤❤❤

posted from Bloggeroid

Quiet Time.

(Read: Proverbs 4:23 / Psalms 139:23-24)

God’s desire is for me to know where my weaknesses are.

My prayer tonight:

Dear God, please help me to guard my heart and guide me with wisdom. Give me the courage to keep going. Let my setbacks spur greater triumphs. Transform my stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

Please uproot anything in me that does not reflect You. Continue to shape me, even if it is painful at times. I don't want anything toxic in my life to be associated with me, including things, old habits, relationships, and etc. Continue to draw me closer to You when I begin to drift away. I may become distracted from time to time, but I know where to seek refuge and peace. Continue to lead and protect me as I pursue You. In Jesus' name. Amen.

posted from Bloggeroid

Ash B. ❤❤❤

Pause. Wait. Trust.

I pray for a heart that is settled knowing God is good and is for me, even though I can’t see the bigger picture.

Everything, literally, is part of His plan. All of my mistakes, blunders, and selfish plans are being used to write the most beautiful story ever, and I'm so grateful He's the one doing it.

I'm grateful that God hasn't abandoned me, because I've neglected Him numerous times. He rescued me and continues to amaze me with things that go above and beyond what I deserve.

God, I know I'm not alone when I'm in the valleys and when I'm on the mountain tops.  You take away my fears & replace them with peace. May I continue to trust You wholeheartedly. I may not understand every plan or step You have me take, but I know each one has a purpose. I'm confident that I'm on the right track. I pray that You continue to direct my steps, guard my heart, and direct my thoughts. Allow me to walk boldly, courageously, and fearlessly. Amen

Ash B. ❤❤❤

                                                         

posted from Bloggeroid

Friendship.

Do your friends help you in overcoming your problems, or do they exacerbate them? Take into account the people in your corner. Some friendships bring us joy, while others teach us a valuable lesson.

If they’re not trying to grow with you, they’ve got to go.  Surround yourself with people who love and lift others up. A flower will not thrive if it is surrounded by weeds. Remove those who poison your optimism and create an environment conducive to growth for yourself. 

Don't let careless people stiffen your tender heart. I understand how it feels to have people mistake your goodness for weakness, but the world needs more people like you. You're going to make a difference and help heal the broken-hearted. You must believe it for yourself.

Ash B. ❤❤❤

posted from Bloggeroid

Make love a habit

One of the greatest areas of pain in our lives is when people reject us. Everyone wants to be loved. But if people rejected Jesus who came to save them, they will reject us no matter how hard we try. The key is to ask Jesus to help us bear the rejection, and love people anyway.

Jesus was misunderstood and rejected by the people he loved, so he understands our pain when we love people and it gets messy.

Life is short & fragile. Love well.

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." - Proverbs 3:3

 Ash B. ❤❤❤

posted from Bloggeroid

Maybe.

You think you're not good enough for me, and I think I am not good enough for you. You do your best to treat me nicely while I do my best to treat you perfectly. Sometimes we fail, because we're human.

Maybe our flaws complement each other.

Maybe they'll be a good fit together.

And perhaps our fear of not being good enough

highlights how good we are

Maybe it means we know exactly what we have.

and perhaps we never want to lose it.

Never.

❤❤❤

-Ash-

posted from Bloggeroid

of love & heart break

Most "love advice" you read/hear teaches you how to avoid heartbreak, when heartbreak is the very thing that teaches us to love. Heartbreak shatters everything that stands in the way of our true heart. There is no such thing as love without heartbreak.

Advice is the thing we ask for when we know exactly what to do but we don’t want to do it. It is the thing we offer when we don’t have the faintest clue what to do ourselves.

A relationship is never a waste of time. It is never a bad thing to love. When love is freely given, it has an exponential quality to it. That is, it gives you more than it takes from you. Everything you've learned and gained is yours to keep when you leave.

❤❤❤

Ash

posted from Bloggeroid