Wounded Heart.

Photo: Google

My ex-boyfriend and I had been dating for almost two years when he called it quits due to uncertainty, pride, misunderstanding, and possibly no longer having feelings. I'm not sure. We were having problems with this and that, and eventually we couldn't handle it any longer.

He needed time and space. I asked for it first, but I didn't mean it. I asked for it, so he'll ask why and what's the problem. Hah! You know how girls can be at times. We have a habit of saying things we don't really mean. I asked it because I need assurance that he can still look after me and our relationship. He doesn't want to settle down with me because he isn't ready. He's not making any plans. I expected him to grab and hold me, but he didn't. While walking down Ayala Avenue, I was crying my eyes out. 

That was one of the most difficult days of my life. I can hear my heartbeat and taste the salty fluid that is freely flowing on my reddish cheeks. I was devastated, and I felt alone and unattractive. I invited him to stay. I pleaded. I sobbed a lot. He isn't interested in keeping me. He can't even look me in the eyes. I went to their house the next day, chased him down, and begged him to reconsider me and our relationship. I want to know what went wrong and why. But I got the same cold shoulder. He fell asleep and didn't bother to speak to me. It depresses me. He cut me off and ignored me, and despite the complete disrespect and pain he caused, I never became angry with him. We had a lot of fun together, happy moments and crazy adventures, and I want to remember them.

After a week of begging and chasing, he finally texted me, saying he missed me. How lonely his life must be without me. He told me that he had realized a lot of things and that he was sorry for not giving me another chance when I requested one. To be honest, I'm not sure what to think. I can't seem to find love or passion. I should be relieved because he wants me back. But I'm not sure. My heart was filled with sadness and fear. How can he suddenly change his mind? Is it because I took a step back and stopped chasing and begging? Did I say something that swayed his decision? Whatever the reason(s), I am not ready. 

I realized that if he really loves me, he wont let me feel alone. He won’t let me beg for another chance. I understand that others may call it pride because I don't want to give him another chance this time, but please understand that my heart is still hurting. It is my life. I chose to prioritize myself and my happiness

Xx Ash B. ❤

Cagbalete Island - Weekend Get Away.

We spent last weekend, May 14-15, in Cagbalete Island, Mauban Quezon. I read several blogs about what to expect on the island and am relieved that the majority of the blogs I've read have positive reviews. What we did not anticipate was the number of visitors to the island. Because it was a Saturday, there were a lot of locals, foreign and local tourists, and us who came to visit the place that weekend. When we arrived around 0745, Mauban Port was completely packed! We haven't booked our accommodations yet because I wanted to book it directly with the property or check which resort offers the best deals. I stood in line for our tickets, but I was told that we needed to book a resort first before they could give us the tickets. So I went to the booths and was told that they were completely sold out. My oh my! Joven's was the last booth I saw. I was told that, like the other resorts, they are fully booked, but they can offer us tents (500php) and space for 200php (space) if we bring our own tent. We were fortunate to have brought one. So we paid 700php in advance and returned to the cashier. Our tickets were handed to me, and we are number 120! I went to another window and paid the environmental fee (50php per person By the way, I lined up for the public boat since it only cost 70php/each. 1000am came, no public boats yet. While waiting, we bought Pancit habhab (10php) and chicken empanada (10php). 

I've heard that a number of private boats are available for 150php each. So I waited in line once more to write our names. While waiting for my turn, I noticed one of the boatmen looking for more passengers, so I told him we'd get four seats. We left the port around midday.

Private Boat to the Resort

It was a 45-minute boat ride. It was low tide when we arrived at Joven's resort, so we had to transfer to another boat for another 20php. The locals call it "baroto." It was only a short ride of about 2-3 minutes. After an hour, we had our tents set up and our lunch. The food is very expensive! We ordered two grilled liempo (250php each), chopseuy (90), grilled parrot fish – catch of the day (180), and rice, of course. We were extremely hungry at the time, so we devoured it in no time! Hahaha:)

We went to the beach, but since it’s low tide, I haven’t gotten any good splash! Hahaha.

I was so busy chilling at the bar, drinking a couple bottles of beer, that I forgot I hadn't had dinner yet. I went to the resort's kitchen – where we order our food – and yes, there is no more food for me; fine, I have junk foods, chocolates, and cookies anyway. I went to the beach with my bottle of beer, potato chips, chocolates, and cookies and let the salty breeze kiss my cheek. After a half-hour, I heard my brother calling me and telling me that he already had the food. Yey! He ordered before me – sinigang na baboy (180) and a can of tuna.  After dinner, we stayed at the bar and waited for the evening jam.

Someone from another table approached us and offered us free bagnet and grilled bangus. Those are "maubanin" people who are also chilling out that night. We thanked them for the yummy pulutan. , I returned to my tent by 12 p.m (Cinderella?!)  I left my brother and his girlfriend at the bar.

I got up as early as 5 a.m. and went to the beach to photograph the sunrise. I spent the morning at the beach, well, not swimming because it's still low tide.

Sunrise

Favorite Pose :) 

We hired a private boat around 1pm (1000php), I don’t want to walk to the sabang port for 15-20mins. I was too tired and sleepy.

Floating Restaurant

We decided to stop by the famous "kamayan sa palaisadaan" before returning home. Oh, and it was Pahiyas sa Lucban that Sunday, so there was a lot of traffic. But it's all worth it. Cagbalete is peaceful and laidback. No need to rush. You just have to enjoy every moment of your stay. You deserve a good weekend get away, anyway.

Travel Tips: 

-Don’t forget your sunscreen lotion

-Bring your own food –cooked or canned goods. It is way cheaper than the food at the resort

Or buy fresh fish/seafoods (local fishermen)

-Check the boat’s schedule as it varies depending on the season

-Expect numbers of visitors during the weekend esp in Summer Season, so be there as early as you can so you wont stay long at the port.

-Bring lots of water. Rehydrate. 

-There is no electricity at the Island except for the generators used by the resort that is avail from 6pm to 6am the next day.

xx

Ash

My Journey to Fitness - Update

Hey guys, I’m back with my weight loss update. I wasn’t feeling ok for the last few weeks due to my recent relationship issues, but yeah I’m back – still strong and fighting.

So, I went to the company clinic again today with a good friend of mine to see if there’s some changes on my weight. And I am so happy to tell you that from 63kg last April11, I am now at 58kg! I am feeling great! I know that I just lost a couple of  kilo since April 22 but I am still thankful and happy to see the progress. It could have been better if I am still doing Casey Ho’s blogilates. I will doing those next week. I should have posted some pictures last Aprill 11 so you guys can see the difference.

I can now wear my old jeans and shirts, shorts and swimsuit. Haha :) so yay!

Thank you for using our health tool. You gave the following information:

•             Height: 5 feet and 2 inches.

•             Weight: 128 lbs (58 kg)

•             Sex: Female

Your Body Mass Index (BMI) is 23.4 (Overweight).

Your ideal body weight is 101-125 pounds (45.9-56.8 kg). This will give you a BMI between 18.5 and 22.9, the normal range of BMI for Filipinos.

Your estimated daily caloric requirement is 1313-1625 calories. Taking this amount of calories will bring your weight within your ideal body weight range.

I am on the right track, I’ll just have to stick with my diet plan and of course start doing those exercises again. Way to go, Ash. You can do it. Cheers to a healthier and a sexier me :))

Let God heal my heart.

April’s been a challenge. I am going through a lot lately. I feel trapped, unloved, taken for granted and unappreciated. Our one and a half year has ended exactly one month after our Cebu trip. We’re actually having lots of issue the past few months and we thought that going to Cebu could at least help us save the relationship, but yeah, as they say, “all good things must come to an end”.

That phrase sucks, don’t you think? Hahaha! I mean, why do bad things happen to good people. Fine, I’m that good, but I am not that bad either!  Please blame me not, I am in the phase where my thoughts are incoherent and my reasoning isn’t logical, I’d say.  I  find myself crying/sobbing at night or while travelling to and from the office. It was heavy, chest heaving and glassy foggy cry.  I had a week where I act like a zombie.

I am still lucky though that I have a sister who understands me, and some friends who I can talk to and encourage me that life must go on, that I can make it, that I am young and pretty and bright. But those words aren’t   matching on what I thought of myself – I care and love too much. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t perfect. People seem to get tired of me – coz I am boring. I was thinking, maybe because I am getting fat, or perhaps I am not pretty, I might be too   giving that I forgot to leave something for myself. I don’t know. This isn’t me.

I know this is the best time to fill the void in me. I have more time for myself.

This is another kind of heart break.  :( I don’t know. Life’s being too hard for me. I am tired. I need to rest, but I am not gonna quit.

Ash B. ❤