Wounded Heart.

Photo: Google

My ex-boyfriend and I had been dating for almost two years when he called it quits due to uncertainty, pride, misunderstanding, and possibly no longer having feelings. I'm not sure. We were having problems with this and that, and eventually we couldn't handle it any longer.

He needed time and space. I asked for it first, but I didn't mean it. I asked for it, so he'll ask why and what's the problem. Hah! You know how girls can be at times. We have a habit of saying things we don't really mean. I asked it because I need assurance that he can still look after me and our relationship. He doesn't want to settle down with me because he isn't ready. He's not making any plans. I expected him to grab and hold me, but he didn't. While walking down Ayala Avenue, I was crying my eyes out. 

That was one of the most difficult days of my life. I can hear my heartbeat and taste the salty fluid that is freely flowing on my reddish cheeks. I was devastated, and I felt alone and unattractive. I invited him to stay. I pleaded. I sobbed a lot. He isn't interested in keeping me. He can't even look me in the eyes. I went to their house the next day, chased him down, and begged him to reconsider me and our relationship. I want to know what went wrong and why. But I got the same cold shoulder. He fell asleep and didn't bother to speak to me. It depresses me. He cut me off and ignored me, and despite the complete disrespect and pain he caused, I never became angry with him. We had a lot of fun together, happy moments and crazy adventures, and I want to remember them.

After a week of begging and chasing, he finally texted me, saying he missed me. How lonely his life must be without me. He told me that he had realized a lot of things and that he was sorry for not giving me another chance when I requested one. To be honest, I'm not sure what to think. I can't seem to find love or passion. I should be relieved because he wants me back. But I'm not sure. My heart was filled with sadness and fear. How can he suddenly change his mind? Is it because I took a step back and stopped chasing and begging? Did I say something that swayed his decision? Whatever the reason(s), I am not ready. 

I realized that if he really loves me, he wont let me feel alone. He won’t let me beg for another chance. I understand that others may call it pride because I don't want to give him another chance this time, but please understand that my heart is still hurting. It is my life. I chose to prioritize myself and my happiness

Xx Ash B. ❤