Single but not alone (A birthday Post)

When a woman reaches the age of 30, uncommitted with no eligible prospect in sight, suddenly people gets "interested" in her - not in a good way – but either be the ‘topic’ at the office or at any family gatherings or she will become an exhibit or an experiment. They couldn’t wait to give their unsolicited advice topped with all types of formulas, theories, and a ten-point how-to-tips in order that they may finally be able to get her hitched. 

Welcome to my world!

Yes, being single in your 30ish isn’t easy. Lotsa people will ask and will continue asking when are you gonna marry. It’s as if you can just marry anyone. My not so favorite moment is when people would ask me (as if they haven’t asked me before), “Why are you still single?”. I could come up with several answers depending on who is asking the question. But my honest-to-goodness response would only be, “I don’t know.” I mean seriously, I just really don’t know! Well, I did not plan any of these – certainly not!  In fact, I planned to get married at the age of 28 to 30, have 2 little ones and retire at the age of  60! I’ve been into relationship and I guess I tried so hard, but it just didn’t happen the way I wanted it to. So, what I have right now and where I am right now is NOT part of my plan.

Everybody loves to talk about relationships and there’s nothing wrong about it. But if you’re putting too much pressure on someone because of their relationship status, you’re making them feel miserable, you make them feel sorry for themselves for not having someone. 

I admit, being single can suck – big time! It can get lonely. It can make us feel undesirable or unloved and we all want to be wanted because it’s the feeling we all want to have. Having someone simply makes us feel good - it makes us feel wanted. But let me tell you, it’s a temporary fix to our loneliness.

Let me just remind you that just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re not wanted. You’re wanted by our first love – the King of kings! And there’s nothing greater than that.

Nowadays, we’ve made a humdrum of wasting our singleness by wishing it doesn’t exist. We’ve used up too much time praying for a future spouse and not enough time praying for the Lord to fully satisfy us in who He is. We’ve spent too much time wasting our breath saying “I need  someone to love” and not enough time saying “Lord, help me to love You more.” 

When we start to treat our singleness as a gift rather than a curse, then we’ll begin to appreciate it as a gift. We’ll begin to acquire things about ourselves that we didn’t even know we needed to learn. We’ll begin to love the Lord in radical ways that we didn’t even realize we could love Him in. We’ll begin to receive love from Him and from others that we didn’t even know we needed to accept love in.

Every day I have to surrender my worldly desires, my dreams, my expectations, my needs, my wants and focus on what I have at the moment. Every day is a gift and there are just so many things I could be joyful about. I pray to God to open my eyes in order to see those gifts. Indeed, there’s a lot!

  

But at the end of the day, nothing could ever yet compare to being in His presence, knowing that I need not be afraid of what tomorrow would bring because He loves me. He knows everything about me. He created me so He knows exactly what I need and when I need them. I simply have to trust Him.

And if that special guy comes along, at least he would find me in my most complete state – not desperate or broken – but full of life and filled with love!

To all the ladies who are in the same boat with me, let me raise your spirits. There are so many beautiful things to be glad about in this season. Ask God to open your eyes to see His beautiful gifts just for you. Life should not start only when you find your lifetime partner. Life should begin right now – exactly where you are. Do not allow waiting to kill you like a wilting flower. Shine and bloom where God has planted you. Be the best person that you can be and allow the glory of God to shine upon you and within you.

Do not allow yourself to be carried away by your emotions and settle for whoever is within your arms reach. But rather let the wisdom and spirit of God carry you through the man, God has been raising up to be your husband. Who knows, he just might turn up one day and sweep you off your feet! Oh, that would be absolutely amazing! 

In this season of singleness, God wants us to learn the depth of intimacy with Him. This is the season I’ve found myself in; the Lord has been radically filling me with all of who He is because I’m at a point in my life where I fully desire nothing and no one but Him. I find myself so often on my face begging for more of Him. It’s beautiful. It’s life-changing. It’s a season I’ll never forget. Just Him and I. Me and Him. Nothing else. No one else.

  

God bless your hearts!

xxAshxx

Home is what I felt.

I love how you sheepishly beam whenever I catch you staring at me. 

You fix your gaze on my face as if it's the last time you'll see me.

I like the way you look at me, as if I were made of stardust and moonlight. 

The kind of gaze that lingers and seeps into the soul.

I want you to keep staring at me, so you won’t forget my not so pretty face.

I want you to keep staring at me so I can remember every mark on your face - your mole, your fine lines, your brown eyes.

I want you to keep staring at me so I can kiss you passionately.

Then...

I will love you when the sunrise feels hopelessly vanished and the sunset lost its magic.

I will love you when it seems there's nothing left but emptiness and darkness.

I will love you on cold summer nights when you crave warmth and a tight hug.

I will love you and kiss you until the morning light.

I will hold you close and calm your fears. I will shower you with soft and sweet kisses.

I will love you while the world offers us boundless uncertainty and copious hope.

I will love you for the man you are, what you will become, and even the little boy within you.

I will love you with everything I know how to love.

Because…

When I look at you, I see my fate intertwined with yours.

Home is what I felt.

 ❤❤❤

Ash

posted from Bloggeroid

Thank You!

I was dusting and clearing the cobwebs of my scarred heart, when I met you. It was an ordinary Tuesday evening. We smiled while looking at each other’s eyes and I blushed when we caught ourselves mutually staring at one another.  I remember how we found ourselves sustaining an unending jabber, talking about anything and everything. I will always remember how you look at me.

Please stare at me until I fall, madly, genuinely, in love with you. I will cheerfully and freely swim inside your thoughts, your psyche, and your heart. I will drift, leap, float, dive, anywhere for you; no matter how shallow or deep your river will be. I will gladly drown in the ocean of your love, until I can secure and anchor you back to the safety of my shoreline.

With all the love that you’re showing, let me thank you for making my heart so happy and blessed. Thank you for noticing a golden sunrise in my sunset. And for allowing me to find the soothing glow of a purplish dusk when I get sunburned from too much light.

Thank you for blessing my squall with your calmness.   Thank you for believing that I can still bring purple rain to my otherwise greying soul. Thank you for seeing the goodness of my soul.

❤❤❤

Ash

posted from Bloggeroid

2016 Timeline

It has been my yearly tradition to list down the highlights and lowlights of my life – like an annual look back.  I am writing this kind of stuff not just to document and remember things, but also to remind myself to be grateful at all times, despite the situation.

2016 is a combination of heart breaks and new beginnings. A year full of tears, brokenness and rough patches. But this is also the year where I learned to start anew. Life is hard, but I am holding on tight to what I know to be true.

Now, let’s take a look on my 2016 :

January - The thrill on the final touches on my sister’s wedding and of course the magical day for the whole family – thanks to all who joined and helped us on this special event in my sister’s life.

My family at UCCP- CEC

February – A simple valentine date with Gino and another Baguio Get Away with my family. 

Mines View Park, Baguio

Camp John Hay, Baguio

March – My sister’s pregnancy announcement, a quick catch up with CVG friends and trip to Kalayaan- Majayjay Laguna with friends.

Kwentuhan over pizza and pasta

An obligatory picture with my former UMYF :)

April –Random Dinner dates with friends. A long weekend in Cebu . 

Midweek Dinner with L.A and Kat. 

Bantayan Island, Cebu

Bantayan Island, Cebu

Yooneek - Bantayan Island Cebu

May: {Break Up}. Cagbalete Get Away. Beers and Bikinis. Sunburns in our cheeks. Random eat out with Friends. Staycation. 

On our way to Cagbalete Island

Ang babae sa Isla. :)

We prayed for a peaceful election. #PhElection2016

Breakfast @Belmont Manila. 

Staycation at Belmont 

June - Quick Baguio get away with ERM family. Lots of eat outs this month.

Mines View
Ralph, Me, Iara, Alther and Kingsley

Session Road Baguio
Iara, Kinglsey, Raplh, Me, and Joel

Dinner at Viking Jazz 

July - {Grandma passed away.} Went back to Alabat Island with family and church mates. 

On our way to Alabat Island to attend my Lola's wake 

Heaven on Earth Beach resort

August: Birthday month - La Union and Baguio Get away. Sunday brunches. Lots of cakes and cupcakes on rainy nights. Met my highschool friends. {Ginger's death) 

Highschool Friends
Aya, Vanie and Me 

China Sea, La Union

Gapuz grape Farm

September - A big stack of books I'd been dying to read. Coffee and crosswords in bed. Movie marathon- Kdrama and Hallmark Movies. Cupcakes and Pies. 

October: Weekend get away in Bataan and Subic. Cancer Awareness month. 

Today, we wear #Pink 

November: Spur-of-the-moment dinner dates and movie nights with Sue Ramirez. 1^st time to see Leandro Michio’s smile – my 1^st nephew!Zumba and boxing session with my CWT family. 

My 1day old nephew - Leandro Michio  

Dinner with Sue, Moi and Andrea at Lugang Cafe 

VIP seats at Uptown Mall, watching Dr Strange :)

Another Dinner/Movie date with this pretty lady - Sue Ramirez

Picture Picture before our Boxing Session :)

Zumba Wednesday with this lovelies

December: Parties and bohos and festive nights. 2 years at CWT. Lots of dinner invites. Year end catch up with old friends. 

 

Received an award that night. yay! 

With ER&M and Melcorp Team
L-R Ces, Nikki, Me, Jacq, Iara
Top (L-R) Marga, LA and Joel

Nonetheless, 2016 is full of sad endings, thrilling opportunities and beautiful beginnings. Here’s to 2016 and to the coming great year of 2017! 

Love,

Ash

{Quote of the Week}

It's never too late to start over. If you weren't happy with yesterday, try something different today. Don't stay stuck. Do better.

-unknown

Let her be.

Her psyche is breathlessly gorgeous.

She stumbled into the midst of the ugliest, most aching, and painful battle, 

and then grew the most stunning wings.

And soar.

She soared above the heavy clouds of tears and sadness, 

attempting to sprinkle her glimmering dust of joy.

She is a brave, lovely, and fair maiden - full of hopes and dreams.

She yearned to kiss the rain and drink in its sweet raindrops.

Let her be.

Don’t put her in a dungeon.

Let her fly and see her inner beauty.

Let her see her worth and value.

Allow her eyes to sparkle and her voice to be heard.

Let her re-discover the world.

Travel and create great memories with her.

Don’t take her for granted.  

Fly with her.

Appreciate everything about her.

Don't compare her wings to anyone else's. She owns it, and she worked hard for it.

She deserves nothing but the best.

See her beautiful world and embrace her innocence and kindness.

She want nothing but your love.

Don't break her wings. It took a long time for her to grow such beautiful wings.

Shower her with love and let her heart flourish.

Guard her heart as you guard yours. Her heart is frail, but it is true.

She doesn't want half-hearted relationships.

She values your heart as a precious stone and will take good care of you.

She will always prove your worth.

She will cheer you up and would never ever leave you.

She's a fighter. She is both brave and vulnerable.

Don't be perplexed or pass judgment on her based on her moods.

She’s a woman with a girl’s innocent heart

and beneath her beautiful wings are the scars of yesterday.

xx

Ash

Of Love and Waiting

Almost always, when we fall in love so swiftly, we are likely to fall for someone who doesn't deserve our love. We even let ourselves believe that it’s true love. We are being duped by their saccharine poisonous words. We were blinded by the dazzling glitters of their promises. Then we'll realize that we squandered our time, blood, sweat, tears, and love for that brief period of relationship.

We should not be wasting our tears and time on those who want shortcuts, are reckless, and hit and run. Those people will not help you grow as a person. They will simply suck all of your happiness and seize your dreams.

Stoplights remind us to take a moment to enjoy life, to let go and relax, and to be grateful for what we have. Slow down. Do not rush.

Just because we paused, changed lanes, or avoided those toxic people in our lives does not diminish our worth as human beings. We're actually doing it correctly. Lao Tzu's go with the flow is overrated.

We must learn to create our own waves in order to reach the ocean of bliss and contentment. We should not be influenced by social media or what is popular and trending. We can be unique - in a positive way.

Life should be nurtured and cherished. Feed and strengthen your heart. Let us not force ourselves to fit in, blend in, and bend our personalities in order for them to love us. Don't rush. Take it slow and easy. Relax. Hang tight.

You'll get to our destination soon. You'll meet someone who is eager to take the wheel for you. Someone who will not take shortcuts, someone who will carefully show you the way so you can enjoy the sweet twists and turns of life, and both of you will savor each moment and enjoy the view.

You'll meet someone who has goals rather than dreams. Someone who will fall in love with our souls rather than our bodies. Someone who will adore your brilliant mind, wit, and sense of humour. Someone who will accept and embrace everything about your beautiful self and will not use your past to make you feel bad about yourself. You'll meet someone who will prioritize you and will not allow anyone, not even his closest friends, to interfere with your relationship. Someone who will not make you feel like an outcast in his group. Someone who will make you feel appreciated because you are a treasure. Someone who will build a palace for you and make you his queen.

We are diamonds, gold, and all the other precious stones.

We must understand our worth and value.

We deserve to be treated with respect.

Allow no one to control you or abuse you, either mentally or physically. You do not deserve any of these things. If you must, if you can, and if you have enough time, stay away. Be brave. You are strong.

You are beautiful. 

love,

Ash B. ❤

Goodbye Dog :(

Losing a pet is never easy. But I didn't expect it to be this difficult.

My 8-year-old dog died yesterday, August 27, 2016. A week ago, he wasn't feeling well, so I carried him on my arms, let him drink from my warm palms, and fed him. He isn't eating any, but he licked my hands to get a few drops of water. I'm sure there's something wrong with him. I told him to be strong; I knew we were getting old, but I wasn't ready to say goodbye just yet. He's been my pal for the past eight years. He has brought me pure joy and shown me loyalty that no human can provide. I have thousands of wonderful memories of Ginger.

I was so excited to get home last Saturday, but I got stuck in heavy traffic. My sister informed me via text message that Ginger had died. I was only 30 minutes away from home. 30mins! If I hadn't been stuck in traffic, I could have seen and hugged him one last time. I was heartbroken. My heart was broken, and I felt as if my soul had abandoned me. I sobbed. I sobbed uncontrollably. The pain cut deep. . The passenger next to me was intrigued but too shy to ask what was going on. He'll never understand me anyway. My eyes are swollen and red from crying. Ginger left while I was gone. How is this possible? I'm sure he waited for me. I know he was super excited to see me, but I was late. 

My dad buried him near the flower garden at the UCCP grounds. I had to say goodbye to a wonderful pet/family member. They say that pets should leave once their mission is completed. But accepting it is extremely difficult for me. I'm not ashamed to tell the world that I'm missing my pet. "Come on, he's just a dog, you can get another dog, and you already have Erwin (my brother's dog)," someone said. " He's more than a dog. He's a family member, a good companion, and he always made me happy when I was down. He's waiting for me to get home.  He loves me so much. He listens to me. You wouldn’t understand a pet lover’s heart unless you are one of us.

This will be a long process. But I’ll get through it.

*** Updated today, August 31, 2016.

Dear Ginger,

I haven’t had the chance to see you to say goodbye so I am writing this little love note for you.

I am missing you so much! I am sorry that I wasn’t there when you died. I know you waited for me that day. I knew because you tried to walk to see who arrived, but you were too weak to walk and too tired to stand. I still remember your face;  when I look into your eyes, I can see my soul. I wish I was there early. Your bud, Erwin cried, too. He’s really sad and I know that he misses you as much as we do.  

Ginger, remember that we all loved you with all of our hearts. You made our lives more special. You are such a wonderful dog. You were missed by the seniors as well. They missed you at the midweek prayer meeting. I had no idea you were a regular. Hah! You made me so proud! They said you were always present every Wednesday, and you'd just sit quietly under the long table. I'm curious if you pray. Maybe you do. You're the sweetest dog ever! You have never harmed anyone. You would rather be hurt than hurt someone. You have gentle eyes and a loving soul. We love you so much that I can't let you go easily.

We named you Ginger "Tuta" Bamba because you are more than just a pet to us; you are our newest family member. Despite your age, I called you tuta because you will always be my baby, our pup!

I'm not sure how long I'll be sad for you, but one thing is certain: I will love you forever! Don't worry, I'll look after Erwin as well.

We will be forever grateful because we once shared a wonderful life with you. Thank you kindly, Ginger. Ate adores and loves you big time!

Arf! Arf!

Ash xx  

posted from Bloggeroid

Friends Here and There

It’s inexorably raining today. I am sopping wet when I arrived at the office. August is indeed a wet season. While waiting for some emails and possible phone calls from our clients, Iara called me and asked me to come to her desk. She asked few questions regarding our new consultant. Little did I know, it’s part of their plan. I went back to my desk and saw this goodies – my favorite banoffee pie. Yey 😇 Not a fan of cold drinks anyway but so happy that they remembered tricked me. Hahaha. You guys! But seriously thanks ERM folks, I appreciate it a lot. Thank you Kat as well for this cute little gift of yours. I am touched. Indeed, it's the thought that counts. 💋



I have the loveliest friends. I am so lucky. Blessed actually. I’ve got different sets of friends. Some who give pep-talks and listen patiently. Friends who makes me cry and laugh in the span of a breath. Friends who bring flowers and invite me to a last minute dinner just because he cooked beef steak or pork sinigang. Friends who remembers even you’re miles apart and haven’t seen each other in ages. Friends who remind me that the best is yet to come. Friends who’d tell me how beautiful I am. Friends who share the same faith and belief and whom you can chat anytime without thinking twice coz you’re not afraid of being judged or neglected. New friends whom you’ve met at the office who adds a little spice on your boring travel booking routine. Friends who make my existence rich in immeasurable ways. It’s always good to surround yourself with people who can mold you in becoming a better person.

I have met different types of people who became my friends, some stay, some left. Some made me sad, some made me thank God for not keeping them (if you know what I mean. Lol). I have learned a lot from them and I am eternally grateful for having them by my side. To all my beautiful friends inside and out, thank you for adding a livelier dimension in my life. You guys rock.

Cheers! 🍷 🍹 🍻 

Ash xx 💋

New hair. New life?

Most of us, women, has the tendency to chop off our hairs whenever something big happened – especially right after break up. Yeah, what’s with haircut after break up anyway? I don't know exactly why we grabbed our scissors and cut our hair off  or visit those salons and ask the hair dresser to “make you Look and feel better". Those hairdressers are our fairy god mother during the emotional crisis. I guess hair cut is a marker of change. I haven’t cut my hair this short since 2011. I let my hair grow – giving it a rare trim, dyed and curled it. I love my hair. But then, I realized that it is time to let go. Time to see a new persona. Time to leave those memories behind. Hahaha. Time to let go of those split ends, I'd say! When I looked into the mirror, I see myself – boring and old. I decided to have a haircut, asked for J's opinion – he agreed. He told me, I need it, but asked me not to cut it too short.

I went to the salon, had a deep breath and told the lady “make it short, please”. She was like “miss, are you sure?” I nodded and closed my eyes. This is it.

How do i look

It is every women’s dream to have that long princess-like hair. But having a good hair cut once in a while can restore your soul. I have no regrets.

Ash B. ❤

Let God heal my heart.

April’s been a challenge. I am going through a lot lately. I feel trapped, unloved, taken for granted and unappreciated. Our one and a half year has ended exactly one month after our Cebu trip. We’re actually having lots of issue the past few months and we thought that going to Cebu could at least help us save the relationship, but yeah, as they say, “all good things must come to an end”.

That phrase sucks, don’t you think? Hahaha! I mean, why do bad things happen to good people. Fine, I’m that good, but I am not that bad either!  Please blame me not, I am in the phase where my thoughts are incoherent and my reasoning isn’t logical, I’d say.  I  find myself crying/sobbing at night or while travelling to and from the office. It was heavy, chest heaving and glassy foggy cry.  I had a week where I act like a zombie.

I am still lucky though that I have a sister who understands me, and some friends who I can talk to and encourage me that life must go on, that I can make it, that I am young and pretty and bright. But those words aren’t   matching on what I thought of myself – I care and love too much. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t perfect. People seem to get tired of me – coz I am boring. I was thinking, maybe because I am getting fat, or perhaps I am not pretty, I might be too   giving that I forgot to leave something for myself. I don’t know. This isn’t me.

I know this is the best time to fill the void in me. I have more time for myself.

This is another kind of heart break.  :( I don’t know. Life’s being too hard for me. I am tired. I need to rest, but I am not gonna quit.

Ash B. ❤

2015 Timeline

As 2015 is closing its door for us, we can now forget the past. But, I chose not to forget. I choose to remember all the things that happened to me this year. 2015 has been great – well, for me at least. This is the year where great things happened, but just like anybody else, I’ve experienced bad days too. But that makes life real. 2015 is a year of balance. This year makes me feel not so very young, but not so very old.  And for that I thank God that I am still alive, and yep, healthy.

I’ll try to remember all the highlights of 2015 as much as I can, so I can also share the joy and good vibes.  But before I list down my 2015 timeline as I usually do, let me thank you for taking some time to read this. I hope I can put a smile in your face as you click the x on the right part of your screen. :)

January – As I welcome the new year, I was also welcomed by my new company – Carlson Wagonlit Travel. I started working January 5 as    Corporate Travel Consultant and yey, I’m turning 1 this year. I also have few short trips in Zambales and Tagaytay.

February – The Love month. I was surprised by my boyfriend during Valentine’s day. He knew that I am not a fan of Vday, but he knew that I adore flowers so much. As I opened the gate of our apartment, I saw him standing with a bouquet of flowers. I know it is somehow corny, but yep, it melt my heart! Hahaha J good job, Boyfriend.

March – Spent the month on spontaneous dates slash eat outs.

April – Marks our halfniversary. Yes, that’s how I coin it. I know, jologs, but yeah. :)

May – Drove to Bicol with my travel buddy- Dexter (his agents). I’ve seen and experience the majestic and awe-inspiring beauty of the Bicol region.

June- Went to Boracay for the 1^st time. Bora isn’t on my bucketlist, but I’m glad I gave it a try. I love the place – the white fine sand and the smell of the sea.

July- More eat outs then eventually blog my fat self. How ironic. I know. And yep until now, I haven’t lose weight  yet, matter of fact I  am getting heavier now at 63kgs. Mind you, I even enrolled at Medicard Fitness Center! Send help and angels please!

August – A super busy month for me, for us. It’s our birth month. We’ve celebrated my birthday in Tagaytay and his at Tipulo and at the Palace Pool Club. Team Jowl’s team building in Antipolo.

September – Meets the Sisons in a very unique and heart breaking way. My Bf’s dad was rushed to the hospital due to seizure while en route to his office.

October – I’d like to remember this month because it’s my 1^st time to bake cupcakes and it’s out 1^st year anniversary. Baguio Get Away.

November – Went to Bulacan with my new found friends L.A and Kat. Alas! I smelt the greens and fresh air again. J

December – Spent our 1.2 in Canyon Cove as our gift. Twas a great experience. Celebrated the Christmas with my family and with our new boys in the family- my BF and my sister’s fiancé.

**Photos to be added soon J

Thank you 2015. Hello there 2016 :) Bring it on!